You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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