My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
