remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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