I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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