I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
