I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
