I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
