wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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