weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
