I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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