problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
