Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
