there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
