I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
