im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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