fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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