im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
