i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
