I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
