I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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