Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
