I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
