capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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