Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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