This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
