I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
