im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
