Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
