I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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