so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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