she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
