you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
