I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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