please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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