I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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