i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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