Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
