I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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