I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
