I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
