I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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