That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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