Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
