Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
not ubering you a puppy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
