just tell him i said nine months
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
