I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
