I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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