Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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