I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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