Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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