i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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