Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
