how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
