I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
