I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
