the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
