My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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