I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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