I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
