Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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