His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
