Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
