Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
